Yesterday, I attended a computer show with a friend. Generally, computer shows amount to little more than flea markets of used computer parts and dodgy software, all peddled by malodorous carnies.

Yesterday’s show took place in the Pennsylvania Farm Show Complex. The Department of Agriculture built the complex large enough to accomodate multiple such events.

I thought something seemed a little odd as we walked through the parking lot into the building. We passed several rotund gentlemen, dressed up like cowboys, carrying firearms across the parking lot.

This time around, the computer show shared the complex with a gun expo.

After rummaging through bins of broken hard drives, busted-up laptops, and fuzzy monitors, we made our way back out into the parking lot.

At the end of the corridor, we saw two young men with clipboards asking questions of exiting shoppers. I thought maybe their job was to check the recipts of everyone coming out of the complex. When we walked up to them, they asked “Do you support Senator Rick Santorum?”

“Absolutely Not!”

The words escaped my mouth before I even had time to consider my surroundings. Several well-armed Santorum followers, turned and gave me looks of mixed shock and disgust.

As we walked to our cars, I kept thinking that “Absolutely Not” didn’t even begin to answer that question.

These guys asked “Do you support Senator Rick Santorum?” as a shorthand for the real questions.

“Do you support homophobia^* and mysogyny^**?
“Do you hate the environment?^***“
“Do you hate the poor^****?”

Now that I’ve had time to properly consider my response, I’d like to say:

“Your slithering master embodies every dark, repressive evil the world has ever known, from the trial of Galileo to the trials of Salem’s witches. He legislates from a mindset of ignorance and superstition, and as such, blasphemes the enlightened Republic of Jefferson and Franklin.”

I think that would have served as a more accurate response, although one more likely to have gotten me shot.
* Rick hates gay people | ** Rick thinks birthcontrol is unconstitutional | ***Rick wants to build roads in the National Forests, so he can sell the trees to lumber companies | ****Rick thinks poor people should pay a fine for being poor!