Important Insider Info:
Those of you who don’t know me in real life should be made aware that during the mid 1970’s, the government was conducting recombinant DNA experiments involving Yetis, Sasquatches, and telekinetic space aliens. I am the result of one such experiment. That’s why I’m 6.5 feet tall, am built like a cross between The Thing and the Pillsbury Dough Boy, and can bend spoons with my brainwaves.
Ok, on with our story…
So, my buddy calls me today to ask what I did to his wife nine months ago. It seems she just gave birth to a 10 pound, 13 oz. baby boy. As far as I can remember, I had no part in this. Just to be sure, I drove out to the Lehigh Valley Hospital, and there beheld a very, very large baby indeed.
After careful consideration and invasive testing, it was determined that I was not the baby-daddy, as the baby did not seem to exhibit any of my telekinetic “Viking Super Powers.”
They have Wifi rigs about every 5 feet all over the place… I guess it’s so you can blog about boob milk.