“Father, give me the Bull of Heaven,
so he can kill Gilgamesh in his dwelling.
If you do not give me the Bull of Heaven,
I will knock down the Gates of the Netherworld,
I will smash the door posts, and leave the doors flat down,
and will let the dead go up to eat the living!
And the dead will outnumber the living!”— Ishtar to Anu, Epic of Gilgamesh
In the movies, zombie go around moaning that they want to eat your brains. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, and I’m 99% convinced that real-life zombies would not posses the language skills necessary to ask for their preferred food by name.
Zombies are nonverbal
Actually, I very much doubt that brain tissue is any more nutritious than muscle, skin, or subcutaneous fat. Besides, brains are much harder to get at, being encased in a bony skull.
In summary, zombies do not eat brains, and even if they did, they couldn’t say so.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled bicycle blog.
Eating brains also gives you mad cow disease; but that might explain how zombies get the way they are. Maybe zombies are issued a special tool that allows them to suck brains through the earholes, or something like that. I’ll have to ask my youngest son, as he is an expert on such matters.
I thought their song “Time of the Season” was most excellent.
So, if a zombie eats my brain (maybe by bashing a hole in my skull), then I become a zombie.
I guess that explains the desire for brains (to recover what I’ve lost). Maybe zombies only eat parts of the brain that aren’t involved in language or locomotion.
Considering the threat to public safety posed by zombies, you’d think more research dollars would be invested into learning about these things.