Avoiding Sea Monsters


Low-head dams are very, very dangerous. Under most of these dams, there is a secret cave where sea monsters live, waiting to eat stupid kayakers who get too close.

Sunbury Fabridam

The world’s longest inflatable dam

When you approach a low head dam, you should get out, pick up your kayak, and walk around the dam, or else you will be eaten by the sea monsters. You should put your kayak in well downstream of the dam, because there are evil backwash currents that will try to pull you back under the waterfall in to secret cave where the monsters live. If this happens, the monsters will eat you.

Klinutor and I observe the fabridam

Klinutor and I observe the fabridam

Most sea monsters have tentacles less than 40 feet long, so as long as you stay at least 50 feet downstream, you should be safe.

Stay back 50 feet

It very clearly says to stay back 50 feet.

Once you are downstream, the sea monsters will use their mental telepathy to convince you that there are big-tittie mermaids on the other side of the waterfall. THIS IS A LIE! There is a sea monster on the other side of the waterfall who wants to eat you.

Klinutor Looks for the big tittie mermaids

Klinutor falls under the spell of the sea monster

Do not be fooled by the size of the dam. Even small dams can hide large sea monsters. Here we see Klinutor looking for the big tittie mermaids behind a very small dam.

Klinutor still seeks the mermaids

Klinutor about to be grabbed by a sea monster

It is a very tricky business to attempt to rescue someone once the sea monster has them. The sea monster has many tentacles and can deal with multiple opponents simultaneously.

Klinutus to the rescue!

Klinutus mounts a rescue attempt

Using only his kayak paddle and his pungent foot odor, Klinutus successfully rescues his brother from almost certain doom.

Once safely away from the sea monsters, you may relax and enjoy your day on the river.

A pretty island in the river

A pretty island in the river

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