I should be at work right now. I should be in my drab, beige cubicle, filling out reports that no one will ever read, attending meetings that nobody cares about, and making plans that will never be implemented.I did not go to my cubicle today. Instead, I got my kayak out of storage and went to the lake to seek out the Turtle King and ask for his advice.

_{White Bird will know}There are many turtles in the lake, and it is hard to figure out which one is the King. I asked the white bird, but she just flew away.

_{White Bird flew away!}

I asked the ducks. They told me that they would get into trouble for telling me, and that I should ask the goose.

_{Ducks don’t know nothin’}

It took a long time to paddle over to where the geese were hanging out. I asked them if they knew where I could find the Turtle King, but (being French Canadian) would only answer me in French, which I do not speak anyways. They pointed to a rock sticking out of the water. It was completely covered in turtles.

_{Cet idiot recherche le roi de tortue !}

As I paddled up, all the turtles jumped into the water and swam away, except for one turtle. He must be the Turtle King! I asked him “Are you the Turtle King?” “All day long, I have been seeking out the Turtle King in order to ask his advice.”

_{At last, the Turtle King!}

The turtle looked at me and sighed. “The Turtle Nation is not a monarchy, we are an anarcho-syndicalist commune. There is no such thing as a Turtle King, dumbass.”

Discouraged, I paddled back to the car. I will have to seek wisdom elsewhere.